Banishment, Beaches and Palmtrees
by theAsh0
Summary: Silly little story that got in my head last night. One mans heaven might be another man's hell. "We're all going to die here!" it cried. Hanunu cleared her throat, trying to go for a friendly coaxing tone. "Well, yes; eventually. But you're making it sound like a bad thing…"


**Hey there peeps! This is a little one-shot that popped into my head last night and would not leave me alone. I thought it was funny :p**

**Please enjoy, and say hi.**

**Please review if you have any useful comments. We're all here to learn, after all.**

**00000**

Hanunu quietly held the flower garland at her neck as the inter-stellar ship touched down in the shallow beach-waters. Behind her the rest of the welcoming committee broke into awed murmurs at the sight of that ship.

It had appeared humongous to the Committee Leader too, but she had learned over the years that this was actually one of the smallest types of ships out there.

Still, Hanunu and the other women maintained their friendly smiles until the ship had finished its landing and the boarding plank had extended down in front of them.

It became a little hold those happy grins when the droid came out followed by a group disheartened prisoners.

The droid stopped and turned, and waited a moment for the haggard group to come to a catch up to him. Hanunu took this opportunity to get her first good look at them: there were only five, but that was to be expected. This form of banishment was rare in the empire and considered cruel _beyond_ the usual callous measures.

Like cryogenic freezing, or enslavement…

There were two Twi'lek females, easily recognized by their head-tails. Hand clasped together like a pair of schoolgirls in obvious bewilderment, they stood blinking in the tropic sun. A yellow Rodian, bug-eyes twitching, tried for a relaxed pose and failed miserably. There was also a Gand, too effected to even fly; walking sluggishly as it fiddled with its breathing apparatus, wings clasped tightly around it like some transparent-winged bat. Finally, a Gungan with bright orange skin. It looked like a frightened little rabbit with its ears drooping down like that, but it would probably tower over the tallest flower girl, if it stood fully erect.

With a ruthless tone, the droid spoke up:

"All right, listen up you criminals! Welcome to your new home.

"This place is the most pitiful backwater of the galaxy. The climate ranges from minus fifty Celsius wet snowy cold to a fifty-plus dry desert. Animal life includes little poisonous stingers that can kill you with a single strike, reptiles disguised as deadwood that would snap off your leg, and giant cats that will play with you for hours before killing you.

"Insects will suck your blood, lay their eggs under your skin, or simply pass you some deathly disease. Diseases that make you shit your insides out till you die of dehydration, or diseases that will make your appendages turn black and fall off. But they also have the run-off-the-mill classic diseases here that will simply slowly kill you from the inside.

"But worst of all are of course the natives: a type of humanoid so degenerate and depraved that it has been reported that when one first came into contact with a Babylonian Flutette, it tried to club its musician to death with it."

There was a collective gasp from his captive audience at that, and Hanunu shifted uncomfortably.

The droid continued:

"This is where you will live, and this is where you shall die. Take note that any scientific facts you share with these natives will likely be used by them to kill each other, or kill you. I might have forgotten to mention; the only thing these creatures fear more than each other will be you. Aliens have been stoned, burned at the stake and dissected in the past. I suggest you try not to get noticed by anyone outside the welcoming committee we have prepared for you. Though that might be hard, as the planet it positively swarming with the ugly buggers.

"Well, ladies and creatures. Good luck and good bye."

With that, the droid turned back and boarded the craft, which closed its hatch and quickly started its launch procedure. It never failed to amaze Hanunu in how much of a hurry aliens were to leave their little planet.

As the spaceship quickly made its way up and out of view, the Gungan dropped to its knees:

"We're all going to die here!" it cried.

Hanunu cleared her throat, trying to go for a friendly, coaxing tone.

"Well, yes; eventually. But you're making it sound like a bad thing… Dear aliens! Welcome…"

But one of the Twi'leks interrupter her, looking scared.

"Is it true? About the bugs laying eggs under your skin and making you sick?"

Hanunu paused, thinking a moment, then smiled in understanding.

"Oh, the malaria bug doesn't actually lay its _own_ eggs under your skin; that is done by a parasite living in the bug." -which was the wrong thing to say, because now the Twi-lek girls started crying too. Hanunu pushed on quickly: "Anyway, that type of mosquito has not yet established itself on our island.

"Ladies and gentle-things: welcome to paradise; welcome to Hawaii; welcome to Earth!"

At that, the Gand also caved in fully, wrapping its arms over its head and rolling up into a little ball with dragonfly-wings. As for the Rodian, it was already quietly rocking back and forth, moisture leaking from its black eyes.

Hanunu could not stop the vexed sound that made way up her throat: They were over-exaggerating at least a _little_, surely.

Just then, the flower girl next to Hanunu poked her in the ribs, hissing under her breath: "What's a Babylonian Flutette anyway?"

"It's a musical instrument that plays all the senses; smell, touch, sight. It's supposed to be divine." Hanunu sighed, eyes on their new guests. "It looks a lot like a baseball bat."


End file.
